Category: Humour

The Divorce

A man and his wife are driving down the road as the wife says, “I want a divorce.” The man says nothing, just speeds up slightly. The woman continues, “That’s not all. I’m taking the house, the car, the kids, and the bank account.” The man remains a statue, only speeding up a little. The woman, getting angry, yells at him, “Don’t you have anything to say?” The man replies, “Nope. I have everything I need.” The woman asks him, “What do you have?” Just as they are about to slam into a tree going 100 MPH the man...

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Naming The Babies

A woman had twin babies and fell asleep immediately after. A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor “Where is my baby?!” The doctor replies “They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl. Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them.” The woman looked concerned “Oh no. What did he name them?” “He named the girl Denise,” The doctor replies. The woman, relieved “Well that’s not so bad. What about the boy?” “Denephew.”...

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Under a Tree

A man’s children were curious about their names. The man’s daughter asked him, “Dad, how did i get my name?” The father replied, “Well, you were laying down under a tree and a rose fell on your head, so i named you rose.” The second daughter asked, “Dad, how did i get MY name?” The father replied. “Well, you were laying down under a tree and a lily fell on your head, so i named you Lily.” Then his son came in the room and yelled, “RAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!” The father replied, “Shut up,...

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The Gift

It’s Paige’s birthday and she has been waiting for her gift from her boyfriend Trevor for months. All he told her was “I got you something that will change your life. It can go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds!” When it finally comes time for Paige to open her gifts she notices Trevor only had a small gift box in front of him. She eagerly opens it wondering if it is something for her shiny new sports car. She looks at it and says “This can’t go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds?” Trevor...

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Jump Out the Window

A man named Tom meets a man named Clark at a party on the 30th floor of a building. They get to talking and Clark tells Tom that the wind is just right so that if you jump out the window you will circle the building and fly right back in. Tom naturally doesn’t believe him. Clark proves it by jumping out the window a few times and coming right back in. Finally Tom believes him and he jumps out of the window breaking every bone in his body. Clark’s girlfriend Lois turns to him and says “You can...

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