A pirate walks into a bar with an eyepatch, pegleg, and hook for a hand. The bartender notices his leg, “How did you get that pegleg?”

The pirate replies, “It were many years ago. I were walkin’ on the deck when a wave swept a shark aboard. The shark bit my leg off!”

“Wow,” replies the bartender. “What about that hand?”

The pirate replies, “It were many years ago. I were walkin’ on the deck when a wave swept a killer whale aboard. The whale bit my hand off!”

“Oh,” replies the bartender. “How about the eye?”

The pirate replies, “It were many years ago. I were walkin’ on the deck when a seagull came outta nowhere and pooped in my eye.”

“And that blinded you?” asked the bartender.

“No, it twas my first day with the hook.”