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Many relationships suffer because of certain actions or inaction from involved partners. There are many factors that could spoil your relationship. Eleven are listed below.

1. Dateless Days: Relationships are like flowers; they need the frequent care of water, nutrients in the soil and daily sunlight. Relationships similarly can’t grow without frequent one-on-one time hangouts , such as night dates and so on. The time couples create to focus on one another, creating emotional connection and building a stronger connection in the relationship bonds the lovers. Don’t forget to water the relationship with dates!

2. Computer Love: Electronics are becoming more and more part of the Nigerian routine; however, the technology of text messaging and the internet can create a wall between two people. We often see couples sitting side by side, yet they vanish away into their own individual electronic worlds. Technology is getting in the way and distracting them from the relationship.

3. Friendship Focal Points: For social butterflies, socialising is key and very significant for maintaining their relationships. The problem for couples is when either one or both people put more emphasis on friendships and don’t create a healthy balance. When friendship is the main focal point, not necessarily the love life, then the relationship shifts to the peripheral vision.

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4. No Good-Hearted Interpretations: Quite frequently, people may hear different messages than what their partner actually means to say. The solution is that simple step of engaging your good heart to your spouse’ inner feelings, instead of generating unnecessary reactions which usually take over, thereby starting the communication war.

5. Back Burner Choices: When life gets tough, substance (such as drinking, shopping, eating, etc) is used to help alleviate stress and take away the emotional pain. Unfortunately, that choice of substance automatically puts the other partner on the back burner, creating the feeling as if they aren’t willing to navigate through the rough times by the side of their partner.

6. Unsafe Zones: Safety is the comfort of your partner knowing that they can rely on you, get comfort from you, and know the “true you.” When someone criticises, gets angry quickly, speaks down to, or overlooks your emotional needs, it can create the sense of “it isn’t safe and my needs won’t be met.” This tends to push away partners and have them get comfort on their own or look for it in other ways.

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7. Avoiding Tough Topics: Many people avoid tough discussions with their partner as a way to keep the relationship tightly connected; however it doesn’t create space to resolve issues. The partner on the receiving end may feel that as you care less about those tough or serious issues, they feel they have to pester and pressurise you the more in order to get you to open up which can actually choke you further. Why not just deal with the issues so that you can create more trust in between you instead of breeding suspicion and distrust.

8. Email Snooping: Some partners take it upon themselves to investigate and search through emails to either confirm or deny their worst fears, a way to get comfort for their worry. An insecurely attached partner who is overly concerned with what the other person is doing can make a relationship feel terrible.  The problematic part of this email snooping is that the insecure attachment does not get resolved, and the distress in the relationship becomes magnified.

9. Holding on Too Tight (Being Clingy): When one partner is too attached to the other partner, you are choking the other person. This attachment is usually because of a partner’s sense of insecurity, it usually proceeds from a terrible feeling or fear of losing the relationship. Some people may want to feel secure by taking away their discomfort through holding on very tightly and squeezing their partner extremely hard that they can’t breathe. When the holding is too tight, the partner on the receiving end will need to take a breath of air by pulling away….and the cycle of keeping the relationship insecurely attached continues.

10. No Follow Through: Many people tell their partner one thing, and then do something different. For example, saying that you will call by 6:00pm and then you don’t call until 7:00pm. No follow-through shows your partner that they can’t rely on you, or maybe you take them for granted.

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11. Infidelity: An affair on the side WILL damage the relationship.