The signs of a healthy, loving relationship are all too obvious: you can’t keep your hands off of each other, every joke sends you into a fit of laughter, and there’s nothing you want to do more than spend time with one another. However, when a relationship starts to go south, the signs of its collapse are far more insidious.
“When warning signs first appear, we may try to rationalize them as normal—after all, no relationship is perfect. And it is very hard to admit to something as important as one’s marriage showing signs of trouble,” says Dr. Inna Khazan, Ph.D. “And while it is absolutely true that no relationship is perfect, it is important to distinguish between imperfections we are willing to live with and those we are not. Once problems we are not willing to live with start to snowball, it may become particularly difficult to address them.”
If you’re concerned that your relationship might be in trouble, read on to discover these 20 signs you’re in an unhealthy marriage. And when you want to make your relationship happier and healthier in the long run, discover the 50 Best Marriage Tips of All Time.
1 You don’t meet halfway in terms of finances
While few couples split every expense exactly down the middle, differing expectations when it comes to your financial future are a major sign your marriage isn’t as healthy as you might think. Though there’s little evidence to back up the often-cited claim that financial issues are the leading cause of divorce, there’s ample evidence that suggests financial woes cause serious relationship issues. In fact, according to researchers at Kansas State University, financial disagreements early in a relationship are significantly correlated with overall relationship dissatisfaction. And when you want to ensure your own financial future, start with these 40 Easy Ways to Stretch Your Paycheck.
2 You won’t participate in activities your partner is passionate about
It’s great—even healthy—to participate in activities independent of your significant other. However, if you or your spouse keep finding reasons to avoid seeing that movie you’ve been dying to watch, take that painting class together, or even cook dinner together, that’s a major sign your relationship is on some seriously unsteady footing.
3 You always do everything together
On the flip side of that coin, however, is the danger of relationship codependency. If you and your spouse are joined at the hip for practically every second, you may actually be on the pathway to divorce. What seems initially like healthy closeness often turns into a nightmare of codependency, often leaving one or both partners feeling suffocated and eager to break free. And when you want to avoid the pitfalls of a bad relationship, make sure you avoid these 40 Relationship Tips That Are Actually Terrible.
4 You ignore one another when you’re in the same room
Sure, it’s not exactly unusual to find a couple on their phones when they’re spending time together. However, if you find that every time you and your spouse are supposed to be enjoying one another’s company, you look for any excuse not to engage, you may be attempting to sidestep some deeper issues in the relationship.
5 You don’t have the energy to fight with each other
Non-stop fighting in a relationship is never a good thing. However, if you’re too exhausted from the daily monotony or undercurrent of resentment in your relationship, you’ve already more or less give up on making things better.