Men’s Talks

30 Questions You Must Ask Your Spouse Before You Get Married

Are you engaged? Are you still struggling to decide if he/she is “the one”? Has the date been set already? Getting married is one of the biggest decisions one will ever make and getting married to the right person is one decision you wouldn’t want to make with your heart alone.

In this article I will share with you 30 questions you must ask your spouse before you say “I DO”.

In January 2015, my wife and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. I still have questions I wished I had asked my wife before we got married as they would have shaped a few decisions I made over the last few years. The truth is that I was so “in love” with her that I skipped some due diligence questions.

But if you are not married, you have the opportunity to ask some of these questions and get the clarity you need to make an informed decision.

Here are some of the questions (in no particular order).

# Preparedness for marriage


  1. At what stage (including age and accomplishment) in your life would you want to get married?


  1. In no particular order, what are the top 5 characteristics in whom you would like to marry? Not just personality traits.


  1. Have you ever stayed with a couple other than your parents? What did you like/dislike about their relationship?


  1. What was the most striking about the relationship your parents had?


# Personality


  1. Do you consider yourself a private or a public person?


  1. How do you like to spend your leisure time?
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  1. What are your habits? (Do you smoke, drink alcohol, do you have anger issues etc?)


  1. Who/what do you consider your support system? (Siblings, friends, pastor, parents, your diary, your journal, your blog?)


# Spirituality


  1. Are you born again?


  1. What does it mean to be born again to you?


  1. Do you believe the Holy Bible as the final authority on all issues? (Credit Mayowa Pemi)


  1. Do you consider yourself a committed child of God?


  1. Who inspires you? Who do you consider your mentor?


  1. Who do you love more? God or I?


  1. Are you planning to be a Pastor?


  1. What kind of churches do you like?


  1. What do you think makes a good church?


  1. How involved can you be in your local church?


  1. What kind of relationship would you want to have with your local pastor?


  1. How often would you want to discuss the content of church sermons with your spouse?


#Relationship History


  1. Have you previously been in a relationship?


  1. Have you been married before? Are you currently married?


  1. Tell me about your past relationships.


  1. Are there any unresolved issues between you and your ex that can come up in our relationship?


  1. Have you been sexually involved with anyone before?


  1. Do you have any children either from a previous marriage or even a non-marital relationship? If yes, how is your relationship with them?


  1. Are you paying any child support?


  1. How long was the longest relationship you have ever had before this one and what was the reason behind the end of your previous relationship? Are there any lessons you learnt from it?
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28. Do you sometimes judge me (the current person you are in a relationship with) based on previous people you have been in a relationship with or based on the relationship you had with your parents?


  1. Have you been engaged to someone before and the marriage didn’t go through? If Yes, tell me more about it.


  1. Do you have fears that I might fall out of love with you or reject you because of your past or my past?

Enwongo Ettang is a healthcare professional working in a rural hospital in South Africa. He helps new Christian couples successfully navigate the critical transition period into married life. Read his blog at and connect with him on Facebook.

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