Marriage is an institution where the success depends on two imperfect people coming together to make it work. To make it work, Stephen Akintayo shares his opinion about what he believes have worked for him in marriage.
The Provision Rule
A man must take personal responsibility for his family’s finances even if he earns lesser than his wife or has financial challenges. No matter what, he must take the responsibility to provide for his home.
That is God’s arrangement.
I once said: “Even if things get so bad that I lose everything I have; if the last option is to carry blocks and do a labourer’s work, I will do it.”
I must not delegate bill payments to my wife. It is an art of irresponsibility. There is dignity in labour!
Men are designed to provide for their homes and women are the designed to manage the provisions. Break that rule and you can lose your home for it.
You must forever remain teachable. Both parties must do this. No one except God knows it all.
Pride has killed many homes, so, be willing to learn from your spouse.
I counseled a couple recently; the husband wanted to divorce his wife and begun packing her things out of the house. After much pleading with the man, with some correctional talks, I asked the wife:
“Do you want to divorce him?” She replied “No!”
At the end of the discussion I asked her to kneel and beg her husband, then she started counting all his errors…
Just go on your knees and apologize.
I have Learnt in life that it’s better to have peace than to be right. And to have peace, you must learn to apologize. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. Use the magical words “I Am Sorry”. You and your spouse must learn to say, “I am sorry”. Do not wait for who will say it first! That is important.
Bury your ego to have a peaceful home.
The person that will hurt you most in your life journey is your spouse. It is one of the packages of love. But God made it easy by giving you forgiveness hormones.
People will insult you, but you must learn to forgive. It could be difficult but it is needed and the end result is always sweet. Unforgiveness is like witchcraft, it will tie you down and prevent you from moving forward with your life.
Practise forgiveness in advance. I practise lifetime forgiveness in my marriage by forgiving my wife in advance. Even the uncommitted offences have been forgiven before they are committed.
Third Party Rule
Don’t involve a third party in your marriage.
My wife and I agreed from the outset of our relationship not to allow a “Third Party” in our marriage. Marriages that last don’t involve third parties in resolving conflicts and issues – not even pastors, friends and family or false prophets who see stupid visions. The day you start giving stupid prophecies around me, I will cut off my relationship with you.
Learn to intercede for people instead of telling them evil visions you saw! A real man resolves issues with his wife without involving any third party, and a submissive wife seeks peace, no matter the gravity of the matter. Once you take it to public, you have wrecked your marital life. Period!
Let me add this; If you married a foolish man, it’s your fault, accept it and stop blaming the man. If you married a witch or a foolish woman, it’s your fault, stop telling the world that you were foolish enough to marry a foolish person. You get the point?
No one is perfect. So, all these “perfect” syndrome “talks” can’t help any home. It can mislead generations unborn.
Perfect your home by picking a woman whose weaknesses you can handle. A woman should also pick a man whose weaknesses she can handle. Then work together and turn your marriage to a beautiful thing.
If things are wrong in your home, take full responsibility. These four rules have kept my home sweet. I know they can help you too.