Whoever said relationships were hard work was right, and yes, that includes your sex life too. Turns out old habits die hard, especially in the bedroom! To crank up the heat between your sheets and reignite that spark, we asked two marriage experts to reveal the bad sex habits you’ve got to kick to the curb stat.
- Getting stuck in the same position.
You like what you like and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that but let’s face it — after a while — things get a little too routine behind closed doors. “Taking the same approach each time doesn’t let you discover new ways of feeling good,” notes marriage consultant and coach Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. “A woman’s level of desire and satisfaction changes with her cycle, so sex really should change with it too. Plus, different positions feel different for each of you so be willing to experiment on occasion.” Need inspiration? Grab a Kama Sutra book and get busy, girls!
- Letting the kids sleep in your bed or not shutting the door at night.
It didn’t work so well for Kourtney Kardashian, and the odds are, it won’t for you either. As relationship advice expert and author April Masini points out, “You’re not doing your kids any favors by letting them sleep in the same bed with you — because they want to — when it means you don’t get to have sex as a result. It’s much better to disappoint them and create healthy adult boundaries,” she says. It’s important that kids know mom and dad need private time in the bedroom. And trust us, you do need it!
- Always doing it at the same time of day.
Stuck in a night rut? You’re definitely not alone. But first-thing-in-the-morning sex, is a great way to start your day though, offers Doares. Your sex drive and sensitivity vary throughout the course of a day — she explains — so try to take advantage next time. “For example, having a mid-day romp can feel a bit naughty, especially if you can fit it into a workday.” Ow, ow!
- Not telling your partner how hot something was…
Or that you like it best when he [insert your preference here]. Sex is great — sure — but communicating about it to make each other feel good when you’re not naked is critical, stresses Masini. “So if you have sex and never talk about it, try telling him he was amazing last night the next day.” It’ll improve your sex life and make you both feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
- Leaving it up to one person to do most of the initiating.
Be honest, are you guilty of this? “Yes, one of you probably has a higher sex drive but that doesn’t mean that person should be the engine behind your intimacy,” warns Doares. The one with the lower drive can plan a sexual rendezvous that isn’t based solely on their level of desire. “Your partner will feel special, and who knows, you just might get into it yourself.”