One of the most interesting quandaries to ever surface from the dating pool is whether or not dating a virgin is still a man’s preference. In a world where sexual promiscuity is rampant and the practicing of abstinence has all but died out, just about everyone is having sex — so much so that deciding between virgins and non-virgins almost seems useless.
That is, until you look at data that suggests that many men want a “nice” (read: virtuous) woman to settle down with. But if sex before marriage is a standard practice among today’s generation, is finding a virgin that important, let alone possible?
what men want
I decided to conduct one of my own surveys amid 25 men, in which I asked them to state their preference between virgins and non-virgins, with regards to long-term relationships. Results concluded that 14 men, if given a choice, would prefer virgins, while the remaining 11 preferred either non-virgins or were indifferent altogether. Incidentally, all the men who participated are single and have had sex with at least two different women.
While my findings are far from scientific and may not necessarily convey the sentiments of the general male population, there’s a real irony here considering that all the men surveyed want the purest of the pure for marriage, yet they themselves have already experienced the pleasures of the female flesh.
society’s double standard
The problem with most men is that they want to have their cake and eat it to. They want to sleep with as many women as they like, yet frown on women who do the same.
And therein lies the problem: Guys find women for one-night stands, but they’re extremely reluctant to settle down with women whose sexual history is just as colorful as their own.
So how is one supposed to find a virgin when “holding out” is considered passé, and women are pressured to put out?
picking one over the other
Even though such questions are often asked, it’s obvious that dating a non-virgin is not a bad thing. Pressures and one-night stands aside, there are plenty of couples out there nowadays who come to a mutual decision to make love before marriage (if marriage is even part of the equation anymore). Sex is not a dirty activity for dirty people; it’s an expression of love in its most natural form. You can’t fault any woman for wanting that.
Whether she’s been around or not, every woman has her disadvantages…
But everyone’s entitled to their beliefs, and virgins and non-virgins both present a unique set of advantages and disadvantages. In figuring out who your ideal woman is, you may want to keep the following pros and cons in mind:
An experienced woman
Pros: Dating a non-virgin eliminates the need to pretend you’re a saint, since some women may find men who have slept around a turnoff. And if you’re both sexually experienced, you can take your sex life to a higher level and avoid those awkward beginning stages.
Cons: Guys who are virgins or have less experience than their girlfriends may suffer from a bruised ego due to the woman’s high level of experience. They may also find it a turnoff if they’re looking for a woman with mutual values. Even if you don’t get into specific numbers, this is a great example of how one’s past can interfere with present relationships.
Pros: Some men take pride in being the only man their woman has been with; it’s a territorial thing, I guess. The guys get to play teacher and hopefully customize their woman’s performance to suit their needs.
In yet another attempt to prove their manliness, men often feel the need to be the greatest in bed. And if she’s a virgin, then there’s less pressure to perform a certain way. Since she doesn’t really know what great sex feels like, you can take your time and enjoy the moment without the intense pressure of having to be the best.
Cons: If there’s one problem many guys have had when dating a virgin, it’s that she probably won’t give in (at least not early on). And if you’re not a virgin and have already had a taste of what the pie is all about, it’s going to be hard a lot of the time (and I mean that exactly the way it sounds).
As well, even if you are her first, chances are that she won’t be as great as you’d imagine because, well, she has no experience. Unforgettable oral sex is unlikely; let alone a woman who is willing to try absolutely anything in bed. Of course, there are the few who are wild from the start, but chances are that if you do find her, you’ll always wonder if she’s being truthful.
In pondering over her sexual past:
- Don’t let her previous experience (or inexperience) be the only deciding factor of your potential future together.
- Don’t make generalizations about her based on her past sexual encounters, or lack thereof.
- Don’t assume you have the right to know everything about her previous love affairs.
- Ask yourself how much of an impact her sexual history will have on your relationship.
Sex is a major component in most relationships. And part of finding Miss Right includes being with a person who has the same sexual mentality and physicality you do, regardless of their saintly or sordid past.