Indeed, there is no substitute for being a gentleman. It shows good culture, an abundance of self-control, and good manners. Unfortunately, more often than not, we find ourselves overdoing it. In a bid to be kind, we sometimes substitute the act of being assertive for being “too nice.”
At this point, you might start to wonder, “what exactly is wrong with being too nice?” Frankly, being kind to people is an admirable trait. However, when you constantly bend to others’ wills, some might start to see you as easily manipulated. As such, you need to be more assertive in your dealings with people.
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How do you become more assertive?
Things like this do not have a strict formula. The reason is because you are dealing with human beings. We are intelligent creatures but we are ridden with emotional biases. Despite that, however, there are a few places you can start. The following tips should help you to be more assertive as a man:
1. Decide, by yourself, to become more assertive.
No matter how many internet articles you read or view, it is impossible for you to change unless you want to. As such, make a conscious decision to start being less passive or aggressive and start asserting yourself a little bit more.
2. Communicate properly.
This is particularly important. It is the foundation on which the entire building of assertiveness rests. If you do not communicate properly to the next person, you are likely to fail in your quest for assertion. So, when talking, always remember to be confident, clear, and controlled. You can call it the three C’s if you want. In fact, you can even make it your mantra. Just ensure you keep to it.
3. Set your boundaries clearly and firmly.
This is also a very important point if you want to be more assertive. When you don’t want something, instead of expecting the other person to know, tell them beforehand. It would go a ridiculously long way in preventing future scuffles.
4. Do not guilt trip.
Guilt tripping is a colloquial way of saying “emotional blackmail.” It involves making the other person feel bad for something they did, even after an apology. Usually, it gives a false sense of power and leaves the other person feeling indebted to you. However, like all other fake things, it can only last so long. When the other person eventually realizes it, you would have damaged your relationship, possibly beyond repair.
5. Be patient and practice often.
If you originally allow things to swing this way and that, chances are that the people in your life won’t be very used to seeing you being more assertive. As such, you need to exercise patience. It might take them sometime to catch on. However, they will. In the meantime, if you don’t feel too confident, you can stand in front of your mirror and practice assertive statements so you can get better at it.
From improving your relationships to garnering healthy respect from people around you, being assertive is very rewarding. It might seem like a relatively daunting task. However, it is worth it. And who knows? Maybe that cute young lady will look your way now.