In my last article, I mentioned that romance must not be left to chance because whatever is left to chance depreciates. Someone may ask – What would be the case in a situation where one of the couple makes an effort and the other person is not bothered?

In the course of my work as a coach and counsellor, I speak to a lot of spouses who feel exhausted, frustrated and numb because in spite of their best efforts, their spouses seem not to be reciprocating love or romance. It is like planting without yielding the harvest. A certain lady told me that irrespective of what she does, her husband never gives feedback, so she finds it hard to know what he likes. This can be quite challenging.

However, it is important that we remember that when a marriage has been bad for a while, a turnaround may not be immediate, especially in cases where there is deep hurt, suspicion and nonchalance.

On the other hand, you need to critically examine if you are doing the right thing the right way. You can be “sincerely” wrong. For instance, irrespective of the effort put in, planting in a clay soil will not yield much because of the unique features of the soil.

Hence, I would like to ask: Are you doing the wrong thing? Are you doing the right thing at the wrong time or with the wrong attitude? Are you watering the soil of your marital romance? Have you imagined how it would feel to be on the other side of your attitude and words?

Join me in my next article as we discuss proven steps to “Lite The FIRE” in your marriage.


Victor Akunna is a Relationship Coach and member of The Coaching Academy, UK. He is focused on helping individuals, couples and companies build sustainable and valuable relationships with key stakeholders. He and his lovely wife, Chidi, run “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme, and write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance, while also running Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe. You can connect with him on BBM: 73E8821E, Twitter: @FamilyAffairs05 and Facebook: